Name:Maruku Country:United States Birthday:1/5/1986 Gender:Male
Interests:Clarinet. Guitar, People who hate me, foreign languages, things that don't concern me in the slightest, awesome people, my friends, scary things like clowns (but not), myself. Expertise:creating unusual/uncomfortable situations for my own amusement, being awesome, being better than you in everyway but not being conceited about it, the use of incredibly sophisticated and flowery language when I am upset with someone, the use of imagery and comparison just for the hell of it, and pointing out hypocrisy whenever anyone gets on my nerves. Occupation:Student Industry:Hospitality
So today, I made a big mistake. I posted here the transcript to the fight I had with Walter, and he wasn't very happy about it. He feels that I maliciously put it up here to villify him. I guess I can see why he'd be thinking that. But for anyone who actually saw it, it wasn't my intention. I exaggerate things. Everyone does. Especially when describing fights. I've been very upset by this whole deal, and I've been asking a lot of people for advice. However, what kind of advice can they give if all they hear is my paraphrasing? No one paraphrases accurately. So I put the transcript up, thinking that if people read what we both said to each other, unaltered, they would better be able to give me advice, and tell me if I was being completely unreasonable. I also included commentary in it, to clarify what it was about what he said that got me angry. I don't see what's necessarily wrong with that.
My intention wasn't to harm Walter, but apparently that's all I did. And I'm very sorry for that.
The thing that gets me, is he still doesn't get why I got mad to begin with. Yeah, I still have some feelings for him (but those are dwindling rapidly), but I don't really care if he doesn't like me anymore. That's not what this was about. People are capricious, and ahve every right to be. What upset me was the way he went about it, and him not being upfront and telling me right away.
I've talked to a few of Walter's friends about this, sure. Andy and Joe were online at the time, and I'd been talking to them before about how I'd been worried that I hadn't heard from him. So I figured I'd let them know. And they've been semi-supportive, and tried to make me feel better. for all I know, they could be just telling me what I want to hear, but it helped. It's not like I've been badmouthing Walter, just expressing my feelings and being emo in general. Sara responded to one of my blogs on the subject and has been kind to me. It's not like I went out to the suburbs, jumped on a box with a loudspeaker and started yelling "walter is the devil!" or anything like that. I'm upset, and I needed someone to talk to, and they were there, and willing to listen, that's all.
But anyway, I made the stupid mistake of putting up that transcript and now Walter blocked me from myspace. That hurts more than anything else, and what it says to me is that he truly doesn't give a crap about me, and that's painful. But at lesat I kind of understand why he did it. But I never wanted this to happen, and had I known how he'd react I never would ahve posted in the first place. I wasn't trying to be malicious, and I just want this all to be over, and I want to be friends with him again. But, it seems as though he wants absolutely nothing to do with me, and I guess I can't blame him too much for that. So there's nothing left for me to do except wait it out, and see how things turned out. Hopefully he'll come around. If not then...well, I still have my other friends~!
Update. Yes, it's only 822 in the morning. Still. So, Amy's still not talking to me and refusing to open my message on myspace. But you know what, if I give her enough time, she'll get over it, and if she doesn't...well, she shouldn't be picking sides anyway, now should she? And it honestly hurts that there are complete strangers out there that care about me more than Amy does. Seriously, people I've known for less than two weeks are trying to make me feel better than she has, and that's horrible, considering I actually KNOW Amy. Then again, I can't say I'm too surprised. She DID tell me not too long after meeting Walter that she'd pick him over me anyday.
And Walter, still not talking to me. I've heard he does this kind of thing often, though, so I don't really know what to think. And I don't want to get any of his friends caught in the middle here, and not just cause I don't know them that well. A few of them have asked if I wanted them to talk to him for me, but I can't ask that of them. This really seems tho be becoming a pattern with walter though--doing something offensive without realizing it, then getting angry when I get offended. And if he's willing to just shut me out completely like this, it makes me wonder if we ever really WERE friends, and if he even gives a damn. It's not a pretty thought, but it's what's going through my head. I could just be overreacting again. But there's really nothing I can do now about him OR Amy except sit back and hope everything turns out alright. Any of you that know me would know I hate being in this kind of helpless position. It's not my style. But even if Walter never talks to me again, I'd like to hear it from SOMEONE. After all, he still has my Japanese book and my VHS of Into the Woods. And if I'm never going to see him again, I"m kind of going to want them back...
As of today, both Amy and Walter hate me and want nothing to do with me. This sure turned out to be great day, didn't it? What's next? I'll find out I have some sort of chronic fatal disease? I really hope so! ([/sarcasm])
Anyway, I tried messaging Amy to try to patch things up, but that was hours ago, and ihave been on much to check it. So, sorry UIC folks, it looks like THIS year won't be any more pleasant than last. Though really, this time it was actually a lot my fault.
As for Walter, I sent him an email. I don't know if he read it but he didn't respond.
I wish the both of them would talk to me again, cause I can't really try to make up with them if we're not talking, can I? Though with Walter, I can't really blame him, I kind of WAS being a jerkass. But I was mad, and I had a right to be. With Amy, I was getting annoyed at her, but I think part of that might have been due to me already being upset, so she kind of got a backlash? I don't know. Whatever. I'll keep you all updated.
So, two days ago, I was talking to Kitty, who's in New Mexico until tomorrow night. She was upset, because Alex, her boyfriend of over 2 years hasn't been returning her calls. IF she manages to get ahold of him, the longest they'll talk is 3 minutes before he either gets a headache, or his phone just happens to be low on battery (again). So she's pretty annoyed and frustrated, cause she hasn't really talked to him in a bit. I'm not sure what she thinks, but I don't think she believes that he somehow can't find time to talk to her. I don't believe it myself. I think he's lucky she's even calling him from New Mexico, but it sounds like it might have been going on before then? I'm not sure. Either way, she's using SOMEONE"S long distance minutes to call him, so you'd think he'd pick up the phone once in a while.
I think it's kind of funny that Kitty, the best of my HS friends, and I are kind of in the same boat right now. And I know it's not EXACTLY the same thing, but you can't shake the similarities. This might even be the first time Kitty and I've been going through similar things at the same time (stress like finals week obviously doesn't count). But like as soon as she told me he wasn't returning her calls, I was like yeah, annoying no? and she's like YES, and I went I know exactly how you feel. For some reason, even moments like THAT make me appreciate Kitty so much more. Does anyone ELSE find it annoying when you can't get ahold of someone, and you've been trying for days? Not necessarily someone you "like," but just people in general (no, it's not a rhetorical question)?
